Listener
It was from my address and if I remember we were supposed to tell them also. And then there was the fact that we had to dress like we were going to a meeting. In that part of Brooklyn dressing up you stuck out like crazy. It was crazy and it really hurt my feelings that my husband would just drop me off. I was so scarred to go there alone, I remember not sleeping for days being worried about it but partly it was my fault also as I went along with it.
I look back now and just shake my head. I was a born in and believed everything even though it made me so miserable that I thought of suicide a lot while pioneering, I was so depressed it was beyond belief. I found no joy in life at all and I honestly thought that was how it was supposed to be because this was not the real life after all, right? I would have joy in the new world.
Now I know the reason I was so miserable was because of stupid people, men manly who were over me telling me what to do when to do it and how I was supposed to feel about doing it. It was crazy.
The reason I lost the tooth was because when we applied to Bethel we had to fill out an application that stated we were in good health and that our teeth were in good shape. Well they were when we went but I got this tooth ache after I was there for six months. My overseer made me feel like I was stealing from Bethel if I went to the dentist, so I just would not go, the tooth ache got so bad that my face started to swell up. By the time I went it was beyond fixing. If I had just went when it first started to hurt it would have been fine, they would have just filled it and that would have been it.
John Appletauer was the dentist in Brooklyn at the time and he was very nice and kind. He said it was crazy what my overseer had told me and he was upset but he never did anything about it. He did say that it happened way to much and that my overseer was not alone in his way of thinking. He told me that a lot of younger bethellights had teeth problems. Brother Appletauer wanted to try to save the tooth and he put a small brace on it, etc and so I had to go to the dentist a lot in a six month period as Appletauer said I was too young to loose that tooth. My overseer was so pissed and made me walk to the appointment instead of taking the shuttle as I was wasting to much of my work time at Bethel trying to save my tooth. Again there were times it was totally unsafe but I did it. Yet there was another sister on my crew who had a twin sister at Bethel and she was always taking the shuttle for stupid things and my overseer was totally fine with that. In fact this sister would sleep in the closets during the day instead of working and my overseer again was totally fine with it.
One day my overseer got really mad at me beyond furious at me telling me I was lazy and only there for the free food and health care. That I was HUGE and I should be able to work non stop without breaks, etc. When I brought up the sister sleeping in the closet he said she was petite and just could not work like I could because I was just so HUGE. I am 5.5 and weighed at the time 125. I will never forget how horrible I felt sitting there with him and it was a private communication just my overseer and me, not my husband and no other brother either.
It just totally left a mark on my soul, I have always felt fat since than and just like I do matter. That petite's sister's husband was featured on one of their latest videos of the construction at Rambo. So she is still there. I on the other hand was one of the ones asked to leave Bethel. I have had three hernia's and am going to the doctor this Friday as I am fairly sure I have another one a fourth one. The last one cost us 13,000 US dollars out of pocket to repair. My doctors have told me the kind of hernia's I have usually men only get and that very few women get and it is from lifting to much. My job at Bethel was to lift 80 to 90 pounds over my head in construction, all those videos where they show the smiling sisters waving to the camera, well they are the petite sisters who can sleep in closets not the ones who truly are doing the work.
My overseer was beyond pissed when I weighted one of the closet parts to see how much it weighed after he told me I was the most lazy person he knew. My overseer told me that my body was not mine but Bethel's because I had signed the dotted line and I had better do as I as assigned and not ask questions. It was one of the few times I went and tried to stand up for myself by weighing the closet part because I felt that in the future if I had medial problems, like did happen, if I was truly hurting myself I wanted to know why. My overseer told me men and women are of the same strength that women are just as strong as men but only put on that they are not. And I could body build also, he honestly told me that, I am not joking.
I am just so bitter and right now my body really aches from the fourth hernia which I am kind of freaking out about. I have had 3 surgery's thanks to Bethel and I do not want a 4th.
The saying no good deed goes unpunished. Or I should say I was so stupid. I look back and just wonder why did I just not walk away. Just leave. I felt so trapped, I had no one to turn to for help and it seemed everyone was backing up my overseer and then the elder's, etc.
It is just crazy.
LITS